Monday, August 1, 2011

What are you waiting for Christina?

Did you lose your hope?

What's stopping you? You're in the position to speak now. You can converse.
Does a cat have your tongue?
No actually, guilt and confusion does.
Considering you pity kissed a guy on his birthday,
and you have no fucking clue how he even thinks of you.
Does he think of you?
Yes of course, right?
But I wonder if your name bubbles to his lips in simple daily conversation.
Are memories and thoughts of you always floating in his head?
When he stares off into the distance do people ask him "Thinking of Christina again?"?
Probably not, right?
You need to get slapped ,girl, hard.
Or he needs to pour gushy ass stuff all over your face.
Then again, you didn't even send him a letter on his birthday.
You haven't in awhile.
But neither has he. He's only sent one. You've sent three.
You would've sent more if your parents bought stamps.
and on the 24th he said it would be a few days.
and his mom fucking got one so clearly he has time.

Does he think you forgot about him?
Should you just forget about him? it? your feelings in general?
Does he want to forget about you?

Christina, he's going to choose the Army as a career,
he's not fit for anything else.
He doesn't want anything else.

And even though you don't want anyone else.
Maybe you should start,
because even though you love him it's always going to be that over you.
You're not going to be able to live!
You're not going to be able to hold his hand everyday.
He's going to be gone and you're going to be stuck alone,
or even stuck with kids, all by yourself.
Be with him and you're not going to have a normal highschool experience,
not at all. Not even close.
You won't have a normal life either,
the wife eating alone.

You don't know where he's gonna even be.
physically or emotionally.

You're so so young girl.
Why did someone so amazing have to come along so early?
Why did you decide to love at such an age with such a person?

It's about a month until you can see him,
I think.
Or at least a month until he can talk to you.

I just want to cry.
This is the first time. It's been more then a month
I lasted that long.
I've been strong
But now the hurt is just so heavy.
The tears are helping,
they're letting go of the pain.

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