Thursday, June 30, 2011

silly you

you must have
slipped on water and unplugged your telephone
and then,
your cellphone charger dropped in the water
and it was unusable
but you smiled anyways
you were glad to still have a cellphone
so you went to get to my number
but then you accidentally stepped back into that water,
crushed your phone in the fall

and could no longer get a hold of me.

The girl

she wears her hair high,
but her spirits down low
she walks upright,
afraid someone will see her slip
She's got a pretty face,
but it's covered with regret.

I guess

well I guess I'll go tan my legs,
and read more Twilight,
for probably the 5th time.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

he called and


his voice sounded deeper
a few

it was loud and

we didn't say much

to think I was wishing for those 15 minutes for 20hours.


hey sie! die kola!

I miss German,
no wait.
No I sure as hell don't.

and i just..

miss him
my back is cold
but my heart is warm
and i want him right next to me,
holding me under his heavy arms.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Kyle Callledddddddddddddddddddd

yay ^.^

I always feel better after I take a shower

i feel clean
i smell nice

I get some confidence

so I'm done playing the broken

right now I'm feeling like

I'm all flimsy,
im too good at adapting.
Like I'm stuck together,
I tend to hold on to important thing(s).
and that little open space in the middle,
there's always room for change.

im not mad anymore

nothing was gonna happen anyways
truth is I love him.
thats just how it goes
even though we're broken up,
I still fell like I should send him all my lovin.

and in truth dating anyone else would just be weird....

I mean, yeah, they're nice to look at.
but no one is as good as him.

and for god sakes,
we're still inlove.

Monday, June 27, 2011

still pissed, oh well.

guys are guys
karma is karma

maybe we couldve had fun too.
maybe i would've actually really liked him,

God I'm pissed

"can I call you tomorrow? ;)"
"tomorrow as in monday?"
"well of course, why else would I give you my number?"

way to fucking call douche bag.
So much about our plans tomorrow.
if you don't have a good fucking reason for this shit ima be even more pissed.

I was just gonna use you anyways.
i need someone to take my mind off things.

I still love Kyle anyways.

Monday, June 20, 2011

today was okay

i cried and stuff

but over all

im glad today happened

I'm nervous

wants to go to the park
and he's being all
about it

I wanna go
but I feel all weird
because I don't know just what to expect

Sunday, June 19, 2011

with all those songs about winter and december

i totally understand
my winter was filled with
keeping warm with the loved one
building that fort
messing around

our tracks of footprint,
through our neighbors yard
to eachother..

I went down to the park

our spot was taken
and then our
spot was blocked
so i went to our
Kinda spot
and waited
and listened to music
I figured you'd come by
but you didn't
and it's okay
because i don't know what I would've done
if I saw your face
i might have
-ran from you
-ran for you

I want to feel your big hands all over my back
I want you to tell me
everything is going to be okay



I want to hide again

your little jack-in-the-box
please come wake me
i want out of there
just crank the handle
listen to the music
then I'll be there

and plus

you were
the first
for a lot of things
for me

and I'll never forget,
your soft skin
your gentle nature with me
your stomach
your love and care
your family
your grasp
your bed, and how we'd just lay there
your great thoughts
your bright mind


Even though it's hard

I know it's right.
with you leaving for the Army
and me,
still having the rest of high school

We still have love.

we just don't have a We

Friday, June 17, 2011

owl city


I was I could be....

...thin as tree limbs
blowing in the breeze
lightly touching the things around me
i could be picked up with one hand,
as heavy as a few stones
and blend in as I fall

if i stay motivated

i could be a-okay

Thursday, June 16, 2011

please dreams..

if i was a
cotton flush
i could
drift away in the wind
i could go for miles
It doesn't matter
I could escape my
new Father,
and his new ways
of being a total dick,
with all his money
and I could
from getting
more poor,
every day
,with my mom.

I would be so light
and soft
children would chase after me
and someone
would catch me in their hands
hold me tight
look at my beauty
then let me go

im on 
the other



this is my bearded dragon,
he makes me happy.

sometimes i get him out
and he chills inmy left hand
and i just pet him for an hour

I want to be a
pitch fork
tall and skinny
useful for life,

but today I went running

it was long
for me
I'm so weak
I'm so afraid
and scared
of myself,
of failing
of not being good enough

I kept feeling dizzy
which lead to me feeling,
very lame.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I sleep with my door and closet door open,
because I feel if something wanted to well,
kill me in my sleep,
I wouldn't have to see it before I died


it's the face
God I can't explain it
it's like a mix of him
wanting to fuck
and him
feeling like hot shit.
it always makes me back away.

and when i see the face
it's always mixed for me
I like feeling
s e x y
and well, wanted
but then my mind over rides that
and slaps my face.
I'm not a fun toy,
i don't need to be treated like one

there should always be
present in even fooling around,
and when the
pops up,
it feels like there is a
lose of respect.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

"My Dear Christina"

I guess I'll just

crying always makes me
in the inside
the tears realise all the hot, all the mad, all the sad,
what's left is just
I always get goosebumps
and I
like an over dramatic movie.
I'll talk to my self,
out loud,
about everything that is wrong
everything that was right,
but no longer is...

Monday, June 13, 2011

Strange to think I wrote this in the few days of our little breakup.

pushing our lips
slightly opened,
i can feel the empty place
breath into me
i can feel the heat
in the back of my throat
it sets off
electric censors,
like acid
or even poison
going through all my veins
traveling from between my legs
up my torso,
through my heart,
to my lips
where I explode on you.
I'll grab onto the back of your shirt
press my fingers into your clothed back
travel down and I'll
feel the inside of
your boxers waist line
and tease just an inch away
my hands will be so cold,
and you'll groan in your way
of saying
I'll feel your entire back
you'll press hard against me
and you love it
your hands will be at
 your favorite spot
of the day
I'll breath in hard
when you,
pull me close,
or even push me away
and then take me back.
loss of control.
control in
passionate kissing,
was never for me
I'll pull back,
hands around your neck
and look into your eyes
like I can see into your thoughts
they'll tell me how much you want me.
and I'll agree,
but yet,
move away from temptation.

Hello 14

just fourteen .
one and four
it all
but yet

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Because it feels

the way a vivid picture looks on a camera

the way the letters curve while writing

the way our soft lips touch

The way my heart thumps when I get to see you

Friday, June 10, 2011

I'm Hiding

why can you not feel,
okay with your self?
why do you set goals
if you won't pull through?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

the feelings of my fingers,
pressing the keys.
it feels heavenly.
almost like a song.
a song of thoughts.
thoughts of song


no one thinks
as I do
and I
do not think
like others,
just as others
do not think as others,

We learned about haikus today, and It reminded me of someone, someone strange.