Friday, April 29, 2011

Today

and my
friends
that like to chat,
are being neglected
because
just about
anyone
is starting to
annoy me
with my
Constant
observations
of their
actions
and
words.
and how
they get so
damn attatched
to me
it almost
makes me sick
to think
they would,
like someone
so
very
mean
 to
them
but they
just keep calling
and
messageing
and saying hello
and
expecting me to,
well,
Like Them
but I can't
it's
just
too
much
to hold friendships close
anymore

A lot of the times
I
sign off
chat
because
I don't
want to
hear them
complain to me
or
I don't want
to
make up some
lame
excuse
as to why
I "can't" hang out
when really
I spend my
whole
day
on Youtube
and
Blogger
finding people to
fill my
time&mind
and I
research
whatever it may be
that I am
interested in
Yesterday/Today
was/is going to
dedicated to
Natural
things to
use on my
evil
skin
and
hair
of silly old me
like
shampoo
and
deodorant
because these deodorants these days are causing breast cancer,
and with my 
Stupid Grandmother
having it
twice,
I figure I'm at
High Risk
because
I like to know
now
what I'm putting on my
body
even though it didn't matter a few days ago
and I like
my skin
to be soft
because I like
to touch it
and feel
Beautiful
WITHOUT
makeup
or
fake
materials
on my skin
even though that's a hard thing to accomplish usually
I can't help
but
think about
my future
and what I'm
going to do
when you
leave
But for now
I'll keep
ignoring
my "friends"
and
enjoy
my time
I have with
you,
because
I don't have to
have
lame excuses
or
sign off
anything
For You,
because
I actually
Love
to hear
what you have to say.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Drugs

I sort of
kinda
feed off your words.
you all have become my drug...
and I can't stop.
I feed of you.
because
that's how
I feel okay
sometimes.

because you love me

some times,
I think about
just how lucky i am
to have
you.
because
I'm Crazy,
and these thoughts
that I cant stop
go through my head
when I wake up from those
horrid
rediculous
Dreams.
I'll worry
about
one week,
you wont talk to me
for
three
days.
and then give me a
lame excuse
as to why your
"I love you"s
aren't the same anymore..
and then,
a few days later,
ill get a call,
saying you love,
someone else
and that
you don't want to hurt me
but that
you just don't love me,
like you used to.
and i'll
cry
and cry
and get mad,
as a mask.
because I would feel so
hurt
lied to
betrayed
but really
All I would want
is to
kill the bitch
and take away
all
your feelings
for her
I would want you
to
never
have
met
her
and I would feel like i needed to be strong
like I used to be
before your eyes made my heart melt,
and the way you walked,
would make me pround,
to have such an upright,
respectable,
nice,
guy,
to call my very own,
to show off,
and then keep
all
to
myself.

But when I get those
horrible
scenarios
I ALWAYS
remember
that line,
that I love so
so
so
much.
"I'll never let you go"
you tell me that sometimes,
because,
you don't want to
lose me.
But when you say it,
it makes me smile
because
that means
even with my crazy
thoughts
you Still
want me.
and when I think of it
my worries,
they go away

You make me feel
beautiful
and cute
on my worst days.
and because of
you
my ugly thoughts
against myself
are starting
to
thin out.
When I feel ugly
I
always
think about
how
I have someone,
who loves me,
just the way I am.

you make me
realize
my faults
and I try to
fix them
to be a better me
but
sometimes
i
still
think
that I'm a monster.
but you,
kiss it all away.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Just a little feeling.

emptyness
is
full.
reach down
touch your "heart"
that feeling
your ache
you.
are.
still
here.
you are not empty
you
are there
your mind
is there
this.
is.
you.
shut up
tears,
are
water and salt
your body
releases them
not under control.
it may
hurt
but
you.are.here.

no matter how many
promises
you have
with yourself
that you are changed
that you
are not the same
and that
things
will not
work out
this.is.you.
be quiet.
you are
alive
you are
breathing

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I feel.

I feel,
like a blur..

Like a mind not living to it's own potential
Like a smart kid who fails highschool
i feel like a child not yet ready to understand,
like a soul getting caught on it's way,
a lost thought
I missing link
A lost chain
I feel.
unlike myself
i feel like i want to feel, the way i feel is what im supposed to live up to.
an untold story finally getting out
hm. I feel like there's been a change in the air,
My blogs will now be a lot different.
just wait.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Happy

If there's one thing I love, it's got to be being warm. Not hot, not cold, just perfect "laying in your bed not wanting to move" kind of warmth. The warm feeling on your skin when it's a sunny day out, and you look out your window to get a view of the blue sky. It's the warm feeling of your clothes right out of the dryer. Warm you feel when your hot water hits the back of your head in the shower, and travels all the way down your spine, to your butt and the back of your legs. Warm is just sort of the feeling of calm and peace for me. Feeling peaceful is also like the feeling of being at home. And these are all just wonderful feelings.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Monday, April 11, 2011

Introduction

I am choosing to stray away from the typical layout for freaks of the day.
My one of my favorite colors are pink actually, hence the text.To prove a point.

I was about to make this blog dark colored and weird looking, but then I realized, your blog should display yourself. Even though I am not widely accepted amoung peers, and have come to realize that I am much smarter on a logical level then them, I do not need to be the complete outcast. I enjoy a nice sunny day as much as the rest of you.

So for my Introduction I will formally say, welcome to the world of not-so-normal person, with a mind unlike one they've ever seen. I prove points and then go against them on a daily basis, and am proud of it. Say hello to the sunny face, with the deep thoughts.

I am TheWatcher.