Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Brushin' my teeth

Things are to go back to normal now.
I'll be floating.
Now it's time for normal.
Not bad just...
just alone is all I suppose
I have to get back to working out anyways.
Dieting helps keep my mind full.
school starts up on the 6th anyways.
Maybe I'll look good for my future peers that will learn to hate me.
and school will help keep the lonely at bay,
maybe I'll even meet a few people who will mean something to me.

Maybe I can find replacements for the people who left

Soon I'll go shopping,
and I can get some new clothes to aid the new me that old people steer clear of.

That pisses me off.
Whatever, old lady.
So the fuck what if I have chains on my pants.
Suck a wrinkly dick.
You could handle me two weeks ago in my tan sweeter.
Just because that turned into a studded jacket doesn't mean I'm changed on the inside.

I just really don't like the demand for people who can and want to spend time with me.
I caused it, sure. But I tried to fix it with plenty of people.

Sometimes it just gets lonely waking up at 1 and not having any reason to get out of bed.
no missed calls
offline IMs.
I understand people are busy and everything,
but I know people who make time for me that are busy.

I guess I just wish I had more people I had a mutual care for.

This school year I'm going to try to be not stuck on this summer,
or on the people who left.
I'm just going to try to not be held back by it.
I know I keep good company.
I know I'm an interesting person.

I feel so damaged for no fucking reason.
I was always the smile and the hug.
Sense when was I the one in need of one of those?
I always hold on for too long and
have to accept when people want to let go.

Because people always let go in one way or the other.
They either stop caring, or stop calling.
Leave or give me reason to leave them.

I feel like a stranger.
I just don't even know who I am anymore.

I used to be the one takling about how exciting my life is,
how all the drama is fun,
how all the friends and people are crazy.
We would all always joke about how I should write a book about it.
And now...well now that Christina is gone.
What's left?
Sarcastic spunk, and maybe a little pinch of whore, topped off with no friends and no drive for life.

I'm so fucking pathetic. It's really no wonder people don't like me.

I'm looking forward to school so I can Learn and Read.
I walk to the park with a book in my arms.
The person I look forward spending time with is my Drunken Cousin.
At least he can give me vodka....
The closest thing I have to a boyfriend is a guy I'm desperately in love with and I won't see for months, not to mention I kissed basically a stranger on his birthday, and then got drunk and got feelings and kissed the guy he probably hates the most spending time around me.
Oh, and my day? Yeah. It's filled with laying around and maybe going swimming with my mom.
And we're poor over here, and she steals money from me.
Then my dad's a rich fucking dick who acts cool sometimes.

Oh you're life sucks sooooooo bad huh, kid?
I can really just shut up.
I cause all of my problems.
or at least most.

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