Tuesday, September 6, 2011


the bus filled with too many people
there's boys in front of me, who always blast Hollywood Undead and I always sing along under my breath.
the girls next to me are afraid of not fitting in and don't smell normal.
The strange girl in the front is tall, with badly dyed blue hair.
Someone threw a thermos at her,
it hit her head and she
stood up,
anger and hate covering her face and said something intimidating like
"Who the fuck threw that?! seriously what the fuck who fucking threw that?!"
As if she would pounce on the person that did.
shoot her hate from her dagger eyes.
tear the person to shreds with words.
I would have cried if I was her.
pointless hurt stings.

at school was okay.
I was excited to get back to German.
I met a new person,
who knew no one.
I believe I was one of the first friends from here.
He's in my third hour,
which also makes him in my lunch.
In math he sits behind me,
in lunch right next to me.
I like his company.
I feel once he warms up to people he'll be once of those hidden treasures.
Those skinny jeans boys.
He liked me too,
I could tell once he didn't shake off given the chance.
He'll stick around.

Today I felt paranoid,
I feared my zipper on my pants was down even though I knew it wasn't.
Every time my name was called I feared people thinking
"oh I've heard of her, she a bitch
she's weird
she hangs out with so and so and he's weird
she dated this person
she's the teachers pet
she's never around people"
I feared them connecting my name to an assumption.
a label.
even some are true.

I am Christina.
I am not Christina the Bitch, Christina Who Was Dating Kyle, Christina the Weirdo.
I'm just Christina,
Fucking Christina.
NOT "Julies little sister"
But I can't help their thoughts.

I almost got sick at the sparks of interests I saw in nearly all my Guy friends.
My bestfriend did say I looked pretty cute though.
I'm glad,
because I didn't try.
I just wore my favorite sweater
pulled my hair back
let my bangs hang out.
had a touch of mascara on.
Just the way I like,
little makeup and comfort showing the soul.
I was just myself.

In some classes I didn't know anyone though,
and that kinda bombs.
But that's okay.
That means I get to be left alone sometimes.

School is going to be good.
I'll balance well.

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