Friday, July 29, 2011

I suppose I feel..
jealous and defeated.
jealous because His mom got a letter but I didn't
and that's selfish in a way I guess
I'm jealous of a mother getting a letter from her child.
which makes me feel defeated,
because the second I read that
my heart dropped and the only thing I could think of was
"Where's mine?"
"She must be happy" or "I hope he's doing okay"

defeated more so because I have to wonder
AM I wasting my time?
But I know I'm not..
I always get like this.
It bugs the crap out of me,
the fact that I can't handle this loss of communication.
I need to be reminded of the love...
without it I just feel lost
and I start to question if I'm holding on to nothing
then he calls
then he writes
and it's gone for a few days
But it always comes back
it always does.
and it HURTS
the ache
the needs and wants

I don't need a hug
or a hand
I don't want a kiss
or to be held

I just need to hear those few words
read them.
Process their sweet meaning

"I love you"

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