who am I, really, lately?

lately I am a girl who

• cannot sleep when she wants
• wishes for things that are too out of reach
• wants the past to come back
• is lonely
• feels the need to change her style
• hasn't found herself fully
• can't wait for the beginning of the school year
• is unhappy with the present
• needs to get a life, really.
• spends too much time alone at the park
• ignores her family with books
• expects people to care about her even with her lack of trying after failing

I can't help but feel lost really.

That's isn't me.

That is not who I want to know.

That's not how I want to describe myself.

But it is me.

I am the only one who can change that.

What a sad thing,

holding my life in my hands,

and letting them get dirty.

Letting those same hands get chopped up and abused.