naked

ive made a habit of sitting on my bed after i shower with my hair dripping wet and my skin still smooth.
it's calming just being human, do you understand?
i can just lay naked absorbed in thoughts, pushing away the world outside my locked door.
It has been raining the past four days and with every day I just feel worse and worse.
Today I cracked. I melted away.
all the anger and saddness combined into hot flowing tears, i needed to sob and yell and be as loud as I could.
But I couldn't.
I just..went into my bathroom and was as silent as possible.
I don't want to say this but really it was very...businesslike..like it seems all my actions are these days
get in get out forget forget forget forget get over it get over it.
i feel stripped of things on the inside -naked -bare-
I just feel so different. 
like every pair of eyes I look into will never understand.