It was Kyles Birthday

Yesterday was the day.

I've been changing,

getting more social.

I invited him over to swim.

Friends.

getting to know each other.

Little did I know that he was going to screw up everything.

We were all chill,

it was even a little awkward.

We never really talked much.

He came back for dinner.

We held my bearded dragon.

laughed

chatted

had fun

Then we went on a walk...

I took him to this hill I love to go to.

He told me nearly everything.

His past, present.

He showed me the scars from the belt..

He said I was easy to open up to,

and that he never told so much on the first day of hanging out.

Then he began to cry,

and I wrapped my arms around him.

Comfort, you know.

I let go and he..

he ruined it all.

He said he wanted to date me.

I said things were complicated.

I didn't explain anything about Kyle.

He asked to cuddle and

in that moment

It felt right.

so I did,

and then asked for a kiss.

at first I rejected

but did it anyways.

His kisses were gross.

He didn't know how to kiss NORMAL

he just stuck his tongue out there.

He couldn't even tongue kiss normally.

He was a terrible kisser

And I was terrible for kissing him.

When he left he gave me a hug,

and before I let go he..

he..

he said the stupidest thing.

"I love you"

I told him he shouldn't say that,

and he said he'd hope I'd feel the same way soon.

I knew I wouldn't.

But I just said goodnight and went inside..

The whole time all I could think about was how wrong it all was,

and how I wish it was Kyle's chest I was laying across.

How I don't know what he's gonna think.

does that count as cheating? even though we broke up?

My heart is completely and only for Kyle.

That night I talked to Him and explained how that can never happen

ever again

and how I'm not gonna date him.

How I love Kyle.

He just wouldn't fucking listen.

I don't want him.

But he doesn't have anyone good in his life

and I'd hate to walk away when I could be the good.

But I will not date him.

I wouldn't ever.