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Oh
i'm
hollow
I just saw
kyles brother
memories are
flooding
in
I'm speachless
neither of us looked away
not
a point
in
being embaresed
I
miss
him
too

I'll just be thinking
about how fat I feel
or
how much I want to throw up,
and it'll just
happen
without force
up and out
easy

It's stupid but I'll always love him

Kyle is married now, to a girl named Holly, and I haven't seen him sense last June, 9 months ago.

But there's always gonna be space for him in my heart, because I poured my soul into him. I miss him a lot, I've missed him ever sense he left for the Army. But yeah. Here's some old pictures of the old us. (a few parties, a few he sent me, one from helping a friend move) I was a little chunkier then..and never wore makeup. I didn't have to worry about my looks though, he thought I was beautiful.

PLAN
PLAN
PLAN
PLAN
PLAN
PLAN
PLAN

Exams are tomorrow, and I'm worried as fuck.
Cos if I don't pass my Geometry exam............
I'm gonna be in deep shit, and have to take it over again.
I don't understand how this has happened
I always had to worry about getting Ds and all,
but I always got those up
and now I actually have to to worry about getting credit.


I feel so fucking stupid.

food disgusts me

uck
calories
fat
weight
uck

I hate the idea of putting something into my body
I don't know where it's from,
I don't know who made it
or where
or why
or anything
It makes my stomach upset just thinking about it

uck
that's why it's fine when it comes back up and out
food is gross
gross
uck 

kidskidskids

children come from others past
one's smile to another,
gently turns to lust
and left them in a whirl

You are a product of quick judgement
of careful planning
of a meaningless event
or maybe even love

you will be left behind
be mistreated
feel alone
but you will be alive

smile at the feel of the sun
close your eyes to music
you are amazing to someone
for an hour, a day, a lifetime, until death

happiness happens,
all of the time
break your past
your midnight thoughts make you, after all

god I hope you understand

There's just these
people
people I just can't forget
people who are always there to make me smile
or just make me show some form of emotion

Courtney Dear,
I want you when I don't have you and get scared  when I do.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that Travis is  just always going to be a temptation that I give in to
You see,
him and I are like
Iron Man and Pepper Pots
One may stray from the other but the tension and want and need and possible love is just always there waiting to be acted upon
I'd run away to Canada with him
and I don't know how to explain this

but I want you, too

when we kissed, at your house
when we cuddled
when I could feel your warmth
how we have the same size hands

that is so cute

YOU are so adorable
and loving
and full of all of this hidden life

I miss you

And right now..I want you more
and right now is the only thing that counts

Still not used to this

I miss this. I miss blogging and Blogger so damn much
It's so weird to see that people didn't fade in and out like I did.
like I do
with everyone and everything

I miss writing

I write sometimes...but it's much more diary form
it's formal but crazy

Other than this book I've recently started.
That's...interesting at the least
I might post chapters or something of that sometime
maybe
probably not


so hello goodbye how are you
 who ever you are
drop in

Now that it's warm

oh the joy of having free time
I've been so goddamn busy lately

But not any more :3